this will never not make me laugh and it’s been on repeat for a few minutes
This is my friend’s thank you for some ice cream.
Dearest Benjamin & Abby,
I love the ice cream. No other words in my small vocabulary can express my gratitude, but I will tell you how much I do enjoy the ice cream. The creaminess is of excellent quality; as I opened the tub, I was blinded by the overwhelmingly smooth texture. No icy bits resided on the sides of the plastic container. The spoon I used to scoop the ice cream dived into the velvety surface and carried the taste of heaven to my lips. The rich flavors of the ice cream itself just melts right in my mouth. The chocolate covered toffee was not as I imagined— it was perfect. Ideal. As I take a bite of the toffee, the hard, crunchy bits do not get stuck in between my teeth, but instead, the luxurious flavor of chocolate twines with the toffee, resulting in an unimaginable experience of bliss. The shiny caramel swirls in the ice cream are beautiful. I thought the caramel swirls would be frozen like any tub of cheap ice cream, but this tub— this tub of Private Selection’s English Toffee Caramel ice cream— just blew my mind. It was soft, gooey, and divine. When I am in the world of magically, delightful ice cream, I ponder what powers of God were mixed into this heavenly masterpiece.
Last night, I decided to enjoy the flavors of your gift after I had ate dinner. I was hesitant about sharing the ice cream with my only younger sister. I was not sure if I wanted to give some to Lindsey, but I decided to be generous and granted her two scoops. I regretted it. Kind of just kidding, but that’s not the point. I provided a bowl and spoon for her to taste this marvelous delicacy as I would just eat straight from the tub. She finished her bowl within seconds asking for more, but I had to deny her request (just kidding— she never asked for more). I kept eating the ice cream and could not stop. If Jenny did not make me feel self-conscious and like a fatty, I am absolutely positive that I could have devoured more than half of it last night. I must thank her, yet I still feel resentful towards her action. Why must I feel this way? Because she stopped me. She stopped me from savoring that sinful taste of paradise, and it is because of you two, that I must feel this way.
Anyways, I really like it! Thanks again!